Slightly Offensive

*WARNING*
If you are easily offended please do not read any more of this post. But if you want to laugh (hard and uncontrollably) - read on.
I love those things that you can read, hear, see, or even think about over and over and laugh every time. I receive an email in March 2010 that made me laugh until I cried. And has done so repeatedly since then. Last night I resurrected this email (thanks to Deni for finding it quickly) and was in pain from laughing so much. Matt laughed along as I read the email to him, though I'm sure he was mostly laughing at me. Enjoy
Mexican Words Of The Day
1. *Cheese*
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car There's not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wants 2 become a citizen, but che didn't know how to read, so I, shoulder.
4. * Texas*
When I'm not home, my fren always Texas me. Che wonders where I am!
5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece. Then che got herpes.
6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store, but ju went to see sum guy. July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars, but my wife rectum! 8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife, but che said chicken go herself.
9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair
10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women. I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair, so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club, but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser*
That women has a nice body, Budweiser face so ugly?
You're welcome. Feel free to bookmark this blog post for a rainy day.
Oh! I wouldn't want to deprive you of this gem! I saw the following on Pinterest last night. It's what prompted me to find the above email.


(This was typed on Tuesday, but I couldn't get it to post! I had to remove and reinstall the app from my phone. Love technology)

Small Victories

In January of 2009 I was almost finished training for my first half marathon, New Orleans. 2 months later I ran the Country Music half marathon. It was one of the most fun races ever. I stopped running after Nashville. I guess I was tired, lazy. I ran two more races, but didn't train for either and probably shouldn't have run them. I just quit. And it shows. Here I am three years later back at square one. I've registered for the New Orleans half again and hope to be able to finish it safely. I'm training. It's not going as well as I would like. Taking 2.5 years off and gaining 20 pounds does not help your stride. It's hard not to beat myself up knowing what I've done in the past. It's hard to watch other people excel while I struggle. But today I finished a 7 mile run. I'm thankful for small victories.

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Confession

I read the Twilight books again. They were just as riveting the (ahem) third time. Seriously - they're like crack. And I'm just as addicted to the HP and Hunger Games series. I guess I'm a sucker for children's books.

I meant to blog everyday this week. Friday's the magic day! Not surprising, though. Everything is magical on Jeans Day. This past weekend was blog worthy. So here it goes:
Went to Shreveport. Went to Jean's PWAT for her birthday party. We painted the metal chicken from www.theblogess.com.


I named mine Shakira. And I love him.

I did a lot of the typical running around in Shreveport and went back to Tyler Saturday evening. Sunday was busy busy. Errands all over town. And I introduced myself to spray paint. I have this old book shelf that I'm going to use in my kitchen for cookbooks and a coffee station.


(it's laying on the ground here)

I decided it needed a face lift.


And I love it!!! Unfortunately, I had no prior spray painting experience and it was crazy windy... I ended up using cotton balls and paint thinner on my whole face and in my hair. I was high for hours.
My mom also gave me this lamp from her dad's house.


It's a good lamp, but I wasn't in love with the colors. So I went ahead and sprayed it, too!


All in all, I'm very happy with my first spray painting adventure!!

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Tyler < New Orleans

Seriously. Culturally speaking, children who grow up in East Texas are screwed. Anyone can say that Shreveport is basically East Texas all they want. But we know what king cake is. And we know the purpose of a Mardi Gras parade (to replenish your to go cups, duh). And we know that a fancy stadium does not a football team make. I'm concerned that I'm losing my Louisiana by the minute. But I'll keep properly pronouncing praline and eating red beans on Mondays. I'll wear my black and gold proudly and often (even when our season ends with abundant tears.)
Today I brewed a nice pot of freshly ground Pecan Praline Community Coffee. It was glorious.


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Long Time No See

I posted a new entry Tuesday. Then I realized that it has been over 4 months since my previous post. So... I left my job at J Everett Eaves on September 21st. It's such a strange feeling to walk out of something that you put so much of yourself into. It wasn't my dream job, but I worked my ass off. You imagine your exit to be something spectacular - balloons, cake, streamers, tears. At least I can say there was cake. But that was more for my upcoming birthday. It was a pretty anticlimactic exit. 2 days later we left for the beach. Me, Matt, Julie, Deni, Sean, and Cala. They got me a Gambino's wedding cake for my birthday. It was amazing!! We beached and shopped and ate and drank (not too much - there was a baby). Although beaching was an infant isn't the easiest thing ever it was a great way to spend my birthday. 4 days after our return we said goodbye to New Orleans. September 30, 2011 will always be a sad day to look back on. I loved that city and miss it a lot. October 1 brings Dawson Knox Glenn into the world! So awesome that I got to be there the day one of my oldest friends has her first baby. I have since remembered why Jenny and I were such good friends to begin with. I'm so glad to be close to her and Derek. There was a good month of retirement bliss before the wide world of insurance pulled me back in. I can't say I joyfully ran back, but I have to make that dollar. I had interviews at all of the big agencies in Tyler and joined BancorpSouth Insurance Services, Inc on November 7. I've already thoroughly documented my sewing escapades, but the holiday season was stressful and fun. Matt and I really enjoyed being able to be there for Cala and Elise's first Christmas! And we got and gave lots of fantastic gifts. My amazing husband got me a KitchenAid mixer. It's beautiful and might have made me cry a little. Matt and I found a rental house that we like and signed the lease on 12/30. We immediately started painting and cleaning. After lots of work we took a break to eat Sean's gumbo and drink in the New Year. Jenny and Derek left sometime after 10 to put Dawson to bed. Sean and Matt were both asleep shortly thereafter. Deni, Mark, and I rung in the New Year laughing, drinking, and eating grapes.


We've had some hiccups with the new house, but will finally be moving in this weekend! We can't wait to have a whole house and backyard to ourselves!


Feel free to send us mail! PS - I beat Matt in Bowl Mania. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

"Sewing" Novice

I learned something that maybe I should have known before starting out. Sewing has very little to do with actual stitching. It's pretty much all cutting, pinning, and ironing. All of which are very time consuming and immensely important if you want your finished product to even remotely resemble the pattern. I got a sewing machine for Christmas 2010. So of course I set lofty goals without the slightest thought toward feasibility. Having not used a sewing machine since my early teens (maybe even before that) I decided that since both mine and Matt's sisters were having baby girls in 2011 the most appropriate gift for a novice sewer would be baby quilts. Now obviously these won't be ready for the girls' birth. I gave myself plenty (novice...) of time and set out to have two baby quilts completed and under the tree for Christmas. One day I went on an eBay spree and bought some charm sets. I only bought one of a bunch of different fabric lines (novice...). So I settled on making each niece a quilt from a different charm set. Then bought more charm sets, because 1 is pretty much worthless. My friend Lynda turned me onto a patten that I felt I could tackle. Then started the "sewing". Cut. Pin. Iron. Pin. Cut. Iron. Pin. Iron. With a little bit of intermittent sewing. Here are some things to know: 1. You actually need 472842 straight pins. 1 box, or even 2, is never enough. 2. Measure twice, or three times. Cut once. 3. Chain sewing saves a lot of thread. 4. You need a lot of thread. 5. Fill a slew of extra bobbins ahead of time. 6. The seam ripper is your friend. 7. Apparently the backing should be bigger than your quilt top. I did not attempt to quilt these and definitely got some "notes" on my invoice from the quilter. 8. Everything takes longer than you would expect. And then a little longer. 9. A hot bath or back rub should always follow hours of "sewing." With a little blood, a little sweat, a few more tears, and a lot of hours I actually completed my quilts with hours to spare before Christmas.


Front of Elise's quilt.


Back of Elise's quilt.


Front of Cala's quilt.


Back of Cala's quilt. I am very pleased and both sisters seemed very happy with them. Oh but that's not it... I'm the queen of overcommitting myself. I thought that everyone should get a sewn gift this year. For my birthday my friend, Julie, got me a pattern book, One Yard Wonders. Something from a one yard wonder book can't be too complicated right? So I bought various yards of fabric and made a plan for my homemade gift bag/basket this year. (I usually make a bunch of sweet treats to give to family & close friends). For 10 separate households I made: A Loaf of Rosemary Beer Bread A Bottle of Rosemary Olive Oil A Hot Pot Holder & Oven Mitt Set Those holders & mitts were more detailed than I ever imagined. Which leads to the next thing I learned this Christmas season. 10. Always read all the way through (first word to last) instructions before starting a project. And just for a little added self abuse I also made everyone (including my lady coworkers) a set of coasters. -These were tiles bought from Lowe's covered in fabric and then spray painted. Hopefully I learned my lesson?? (Aside: Everyone liked my homemade gifts and appreciated my hard work. It was totally worth it.) - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Old Troup Hwy,Tyler,United States

Wordless Wednesday

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